10 Reasons Why I hate March

10. The Letter “M”

All months that begin with the letter “M” are created by the devil. Look it up, science supports it.

9. Leprechauns

I hate little creepy hands which is one reason why I hate children.  They are so tiny and I feel like they will pickpocket me.

8. Parties

March means St. Patrick’s Day which means parties. St. Patrick’s Day parties means that all my neighbors will be loud and having fun. I hate it when other people are having fun, it gives me a headache.

7. The Color Green

All colors that aren’t gray are hideous and should be banned from the world. People shouldn’t be allowed to wear colors; they can’t be trusted with that responsibility.

6. It’s Almost Spring

That means no more snow, which means people not spinning out on icy roads or complaining about the cold weather. I just love human misery.

5. Leprechauns…again

They are so small and creepy. They remind me of an Irish Snooki.

4. My Birthday isn’t in March.

I don’t get free stuff this month, I see a problem.

3. March Madness

I don’t even know what March Madness is, but it sounds stupid. I hate stupid things.

2. Ugly Drunk People

Where ever I go I find a bunch of ugly drunk people. I hate ugly people. I hate drunk people because I’m jealous that I’m not drunk. Get your calculator out and do the math.

1. Gingers

I see way too many gingers every year during March. I hate gingers they have no souls because that’s how God wanted it to be.

Charlie Sheen Crazy Tiger Blood!

“I am on a drug it’s called Charlie Sheen.”- Charlie Sheen

I’m sure you’re on many other things Charlie. Let me just step back for a moment are you calling yourself a drug? You’re saying you’re getting high off of yourself, how is that possible? Are no red flags going up in your head when you can get high off of yourself? You might want to go to the hospital or a chemistry lab because believe me some crazy shit is going on.

“ I got tiger blood, man. Dying's for fools, dying's for amateurs."

Charlie Sheen, you are the dumbest guy in Hollywood you were making $2,000,000 an episode on Two and a Half Men then you inject tiger blood into your system. You are crazy; crazier than me and that is quite the accomplishment.

"I'm tired of pretending I'm not a total bitchin' rock star from Mars, and people can't figure me out; they can't process me. I don't expect them to. You can't process me with a normal brain."

I thought you were an actor, but now apparently you’re a rock star from mars. If you were really born on Mars that would just make so much more sense. You’re right the normal brain cannot process you it looks like I’m going to have to drink some tiger blood to make sense out of you. So if you could recommend a place to pick some up that would be great.

 "I tried marriage. I'm 0 for 3 with the marriage thing. So, being a ballplayer -- I believe in numbers. I'm not going 0 for 4. I'm not wearing a golden sombrero." 

Golden sombrero? Where the hell did you get married?

“Uhh… Winning!”

How are you still alive? You know what I’m expecting to hear on the news shortly is that you fell off a cliff. Not jumping or being pushed off, just falling because you are that stupid.

“I've always been pretty old-fashioned. I'm kind of a missionary guy.”

No, not really.

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