Where I've been

Hint: I went to jail

"I know what you’re thinking how could a sane, intelligent, and rational elder gentleman be sent to jail."

So many of you are probably wondering why I haven’t made a post in a month or two. Well I feel obligated to tell you where I’ve been. It’s really quite a funny story. I was in jail. I know what you’re thinking how could a sane, intelligent, and rational elder gentleman be sent to jail. Well back in the days of hippies; also known as the 1970s, I may or may not have embezzled $653,243.45 from the company that I worked for. There is really no proof in my opinion that I stole the money. They say that when I deposited $653,243.45 the day after the alleged embezzlement caused the IRS to start an investigation. I was like excuse me; maybe I found the money just lying on the floor in the mall. People are just so ridiculous. Anyways apparently you have pay taxes on money that you embezz- I mean found lying on the floor. So, the IRS knocked on my door and carted me off to jail. Jail really wasn’t that bad except for the fact that everyone tried to kill me multiple times. Apparently convicted felons don’t enjoy “yo momma” jokes; who knew?

 Maybe we should teach our children this valuable lesson so they don’t almost die when they go off to jail like I did. There was this one very large man in jail nicknamed Fred who said he was going to rip off my limbs and stuff me in a postal box mail me to his brother’s house who will smash the package with a hammer after it’s delivery. I’m sure they were all just joking, if they weren’t I should really be concerned of that crazy guy stalking me in the subway stations.

I'm sure he is a straight shooter.

 Anyways to escape I pretended to die and then dug myself out of my grave. It would be such a funny story to tell at parties if I didn’t hate everyone and if I went to parties. So I’m back losers I will be posting regularly again!